Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
