Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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