You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
