every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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