Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
