I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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