If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
