Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You smell like stripper and shame
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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