Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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