In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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