yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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