420 ftw
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Drunk is not a location!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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