Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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