Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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