If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
