Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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