I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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