im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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