My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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