Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There's even glitter on my cock...
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