Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is it penis luge time yet?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dear god my vagina.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
