Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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