If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.