Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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