you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
