thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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