Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon