ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.