i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.