I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
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Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My penis needs a shock collar
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex