I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..