No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
