You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
