Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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