we're blogging at a bar
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
