Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
