Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
