it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
