Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize