I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
