Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
