he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
