I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
