Whod you bang
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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