No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
