You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
