go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
