Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
