Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
