I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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