super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
