i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
