I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm at about main and main street
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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