Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
