Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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