so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Who did Billy Mays play for?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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