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I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
