Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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