I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
