peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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