we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize