The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
