i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
