i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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