Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
