I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize