Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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