ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just cut my nipple shaving
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
