The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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