The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How does one acquire holy water?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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