so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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