Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
