Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize