I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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