ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
