I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
