I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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