i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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