For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
