we made out on top of his cat.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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