Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
and you fell through a lawn chair
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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