ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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