I'm eating all of the evidence.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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