why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
