Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
