Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
