I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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