I wish life had little blips of pornography
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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