I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
