Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
